morning call.

i woke up early this morning to the slight sounds of my laptop whirring away; left on because i fell asleep while watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i was just so tired last night that i guess i couldnt stand it any longer. yawning, i took a look at my trusty handphone - it was 0530am. agh. few more hours left of sleep.

i closed my eyes again; but they popped open the second i i tried to relax. as i lay there not being able to will myself back to sleep, thoughts came into my mind. it's funny how movies always make you think. they often show things in a different perspective - and you're left to wonder.

just like how i was wondering about whether memories can really be erased - like jim carrey trying to erase memories of his ex-girlfriend so he wouldnt have to feel hurt anymore, because she also did the same thing. memories to be thrown away, not hidden at all. to be forgotten completely so as to forget whatever pain we had to endure reminiscing them. it's a good thought.

however, there's no way we can ever do that. we can never ever forget what happened in the past, especially not something that means so much to us. it's just part of life. i wish i didnt know that.

the same old thing of 'just move on, it'll be alright. you just have to let go now.'.. or 'you'll feel much better after you let go, trust me. you'll have better times'.. or the classic 'time heals all wounds'. yes, i KNOW that. i just.. wish i dont. then i can be ignorant and just pretend nothing ever happened. oh how i wish so.

but i cant. it's a fact. pointed out so obviously in my face whenever.. whenever anything happens at all. a fact that i have to live with. *sigh. the familiar feelings of regret creep up on me every time.. i think we're starting to become quite good friends.

i'm so tired of this.

@ 9:32 AM