the greatest power of all.

my eyes are still slightly sore. and no, not from sleeping too late last night either. i will go into that in a while. i was such a frustrated soul last night. so confused, so hurt. so lost in memories and regret. drowned in misery, i thought nothing could ever help me. it was such a low point for me. for a while there, i almost believed that even God doesnt hear my pleas for grace and mercy anymore. i nearly gave up on hoping for His intervention.

how very wrong i was.

i dont even know how i could've gone so low, but yes, those times actually happen. they happen at the weirdest times, to you and me. and those are the times when we have to really hold on and believe. it is not easy, never. i know how hard it is.. i've been through it countless times. times when you feel that all hope is lost, and that there is no way you can ever get out of feeling as shitty as you're feeling then. times when you just feel like giving up and not bothering to try any longer.. times where people keep telling you to hold on, to believe that He will lead you out of it; but the thing is, you can no longer listen to them or believe them. you're just so tired of believing when it seems as though God isnt even doing anything at all anymore, so what's the use? yes, those are the times i mean. and honestly, i was having a really bad one last night.

but before i go on and on again about what a wreck i was before, allow me to just share this little bit of something interesting.

i went for mass this morning (fyi, that's what we catholics call our church service). there i was just sitting listening to the Father's preaching in the homily, when suddenly tears just started welling in my eyes. i dont cry very often, expecially if it's something concerning me, but this morning.. i just dont know what came over me.

the priest was at first talking about how a couple he recently talked to has a son who did pretty well in his exams but failed to get a scholarship to a good school because he was one point below the required marks. they were apparently very disappointed, because this means they would have to tighten their budget on everything else as they want him to go to that particular school which is pretty expensive. they were upset because they know that their son is very smart, only that he's extremely lazy as well. so they were very down and everything, but Father told them to look at it from a spiritual point of view instead. i cant remember what he said exactly, but it was something like this: 'everything happens for a reason. have a look at it from God's point of view instead. this probably happened so that your son would realize what he did and would work harder in the future to get that scholarship. it would make him a better person. God does everything for a reason.' and the couple left him feeling much better than before, as they have a better view on things now.

well, i know all that scholarship and all doesnt apply to my current situation, but i dont know why.. my eyes started stinging.

then Father went on to continue that as this week marks the beginning of the season of Advent (fyi again, it's the four weeks we have in preparation for the coming of Christ every year), we should all be spiritually awakened. the term he used exactly was 'spiritually awakening'. which means, we should all always be prepared for the next coming of our Saviour; so that we would be alert, and know when He finally comes.

then i dont know how.. but the part on spiritually awakening somehow led to patience. Father was talking about how a lot of us are very impatient. how we think waiting is a waste of time. and how we always never wait for God - in a sense of saying that every time we seek God, we feel as though we should be answered immediately. that we are never patient, and that the moment we think God isnt there at all due to not answering our prayers immediately, we give up in Him altogether. now THIS one completely hit home. the tears just started coming out they wouldnt stop. i've never cried in mass before, so why now?

Father then went on to say how we should always be patient, and learn to wait.. as God will come to us eventually. that we should know how to hold on and to believe in Him.. just like how the Israelites had to wait hundreds of years before they were saved (correct me if my history's wrong, but i cant remember exactly what Father said), so why cant we do the same as well? why cant we wait too?

i mean, wow. i really dont know. at that point, i just felt like God was there. that He was giving me advice. that i should hold on and believe in him.. and that if i wait and be patient, He'll do his wonders.

it's not just coincidence, i know. all that talk on waiting just as i was on my lowest moments.. it was a blessing. almost like a spiritual intervention. i would say i have been very 'spiritually awakened'.

my eyes were teary all throughout mass. and when 'spirit song' came on, it just felt so right..

Oh come and sing this song with gladness
As your hearts are filled with joy
Lift your hands in sweet surrender to His name
Oh give Him all your tears of sadness
Give Him all your years of pain
And you’ll enter into life in Jesus’ name

i can only say one thing right now:

i love God so very much.
He is wonderful, powerful.. the greatest power of all.
best of all, He never lets us down.
all we have to do is be patient and wait.

*sigh.

yeah. just thought i wanted to share that with you guys. it really did a lot of good for me. so for whoever of you who's feeling let down and about to give up, this is for you. be patient and wait. He will come.

@ 3:50 PM