'happy' new year?

it's like that malay peribahasa from back in school; 'sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga'. the one we used to always use in essays coz it was the easiest to remember - not forgetting the fact that bad luck's more fun to make up than trying to come up with realistic good stuff.

sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. i'm living the essay. it all began when i found out yesterday that deja vu isnt showing in miri anymore. fine lah, that wasnt too bad actually. it's not like i wont be able to watch it at all anymore. next.. the results finally arrived in the mail (dont ask me why the 'most creative and innovative' uni in malaysia doesnt have their results posted online; for that you're gonna hafta look for the main star of planet of the apes himself). after that, i get a call reminding me of that issue with my apartment in puchong i havent settled. o_O *frusfrusfrus to the max.

of course, idealistic 'run-away from problems' joanne keeps reminding me that hey, it could have been A LOT worse. but the other joanne: the realist, worrywart half.. well she's just standing there with arms crossed saying that it may be a lot worse, but it's not like it's not bad enough not to warrant proper worrying. celaka giving me so many 'nots'. damn load of negativity ah this one.

hence.. i'm back to worrying. results first of all. to tell the truth they're actually fine; but the one module i really wanna make it the most.. that's the one that's worrying me now. tasha calls it 'unfairly graded' coz well.. we're all in the same boat in this. but then. i just cant seem to not take it too personally.

a grade's a testament to show how well you're doing - well. to me it is anyway. and this grade.. to say the least, it's pretty much got me crushed. i've never been pretty high up there on the confidence scale, and now.. whatever belief i've actually managed to dig up deep inside about what i can do.. whatever little 'skills' i have.. they've all just gone back down the drain again. pretty depressing. i've finally found something i believeD i could at least learn to do well in, and now it feels like i can never be good enough. [now dont argue with me here. let me have my emo moment.] but the thing is.. it's true. agh. totally in the pits now.

and to make things worse.. i called shinki my housemate up yesterday too. okay, that's not the bad thing lah. the problem that we were discussing about was. our last housemate ran out on us a month ago, leaving us to pay for excess utility bills. but fine. that's not too bad.. the bad thing is.. our contract on that unit's till february, and there's no way we can cover paying for the whole unit even for one month! somemore our place is (absurdly) the one with the highest rent in vista prima: rm1200/month for whole unit. wtf. to make matters worse, that last housemate used her own furniture in her room last semester, and now that she's gone, she's taken them with her - leaving that room bare. and shinki and i now gotta deal not only with getting a new housemate, but also one that would actually get an almost empty room for rm400!

*tears. i dont know what to do.. i swear. happy joanne's going 'no need to worry laa.. like usual, just dont think about it for a while and all your worries would be gone..' and i'm so tempted. but i cant. this is too big an issue to ignore..

oh fuck.

and while typing this another thought just occured to me. i've already been dying to get to that rain concert.. and now that i probably have to cover for this month's empty-room rent.. there's no way in this world i'm ever gonna get there now.

great lah.

what a perfect way to start off a new year.

@ 2:33 PM