tired eyes.
been in college all day since 10 this morning staring at my notebook's screen. my eyes are feeling so tired i think i'm getting a headache soon. agH.
chiam just left for the airport. she's flying home today. i wanna go too! =( miss home. so tired here.
but ohwells. at least i got enough info today to start on my oral presentation this weekend. not sure about the other assignments though. dunno where to start looking! ade internet pun susah.. haih.
might be playing tennis again later with jess and roy. hope she doesnt go on and on about the kenneth dude from vista millennium again ahaha..
ahh now i'm so looking forward to a great and relaxing weekend. need to unwind. ooh and i've got so much catching up to do coz I'M GOING TO SUBANG! ahhh i cant wait.. gonna crash at chan's and sin mei's place.. ehehe.. lalala.. missing them so much. this is gonna be fun. the ngiauchi po's together? habis larr subang jaya especially ss16/7. wahahaha..
i cant wait.
cheerios! - even tho i'm not feelin all too cheery at the mo, but i'm starting to feel much better already. =)
happily ever after.
i watched 'sepet' last night. and i've to say, i'm actually quite impressed. it's a pretty good malaysian movie.
but that's not the point.
the point here today is that he died. the main guy in 'sepet'. the jason lee dude. he DIED.
he died before she could realise that she really missed him and loved him and that she shouldnt have gotten mad at him and didnt read his letter. agH.
he died just as he was getting to the airport to send her off. he died just as she finally realised her mistake and was getting the phone to call him. he died before they could do anything.
no happy ending. just like real life.
but it was truly a good movie. beautiful. meaningful and significant.
the kind of movie that gets you thinking. of a lot of things.
in other words, 'happily ever after' is definitely not a phrase in my vocab. it just doesnt happen. no way. not in this life.
check 'sepet' out.
human communications lecture.
here i am sitting in class for our human comm lecture. fiona's going on and on about our group assignment. i'm lost.
ahaha fine.. maybe i'm lost coz i'm not exactly paying attention.. but well. some days have their limits as to how much you can take.
i'm currently also examinining this tiny but bright red bruise on my lower arm. are bruises supposed to be red? i'm suspecting a bit of internal bleeding. nothing big, though, but it hurts when i poke it. obviously. ahaha.
how'd i get it? well i was just sitting innocently in the bus yesterday morning when this girl with a long metal ruler just jabbed me as she passed by. fcuk. i tell you ah, the PAIN. i know not her fault lah, but still sakit yaknowww.. heh.
so.. i'm trying to get back early during this class. wanna get the 4pm bus if possible. i need to get to tesco to get my pillow! yeay! the only thing i'm so looking forward for today. ehehe..
have to get bday pressies too.. i suck at buying stuff for people. it always seem so insincere coz i just dont have the cash. if i have plenty of it, wah.. the things i'd be able to buy so that ppl'd get what they REALLY want on their bdays.. hope i can find something good.
till later, ciaoz.
it's been good.
today's been a good day. so far, anyway. more than i could actually ask for, seeing as how things have been lately.
having lunch now. just done with bihun and eggs. kinda boring to have the same thing everyday.. but well. agH you didnt hafta know what's gonna come out later. lol.
currently listening to girls aloud - i'll stand by you. got it from, was is jess or arthur yesterday? hrm. kinda ironic. not exactly the kinda song i'm in the mood for now. heh. but. nothings.
going to tesco later. really looking forward for that one. i wanna get a new pillow! =) highlight of the day. oh and also to have my weekly mcd's. oh wait. i think jess and chiam might wanna get to jusco though and have kfc. aiiii.. i need my mcd's!
chiam going back to miri this friday til next thursday. i'm gonna miss herrrrr =( planning to get down to subang this weekend tho.. chan's bday on monday! another four-day weekend for me. yippee.. ehehe..
daaamn. not much shyt to add right now. same ol' thing everyday.
class later at 1 till 5. hopefully we'll get an early break today. feeling so tired. am i actually starting to get used to it?
crazy things that people do.
there are crazy things ppl do that seem so right at the time but seem so wrong after that.
all weekend i've been convincing myself that i did the right thing. that what i did was for the best and soon i'll be fine. that..
fcuk.
i screwed things up. bad.
i just hope this feeling will be over soon and i'll finally come to realise that i did the right thing.
let's pray, shall we?
i've been home.
but for too short a time.
went home last week on tuesday after being in singapore for ten days. got back to kl on sunday evening. fulla exams this week. so dead.
thursday public holiday. plan to play tennis. wonder if i have time? was hoping for a long weekend. ends up i have to go to school for two exam papers. die lah.
very stressed. need a break. cant wait for friday after tests. miss home.
miss *you.
the new loves of my life.
ahaks. oh yeah. my babies. my adidas superstars. one of my bday pressies!
ahhh.. they're so beautiful. it was love at first sight. we met at northpoint's royal sporting house. i solemnly swear i will love them forever.
ahaha! we'll see how long that lasts. lol. but for now, yeah. i'ma loving them to bits.
;)
legally of age.
uh huh. feeling much better now, though it's just a few minutes ago.
*big grin*
coz i just realized i'm officially legal. *smug*
mwahahaaaa..
songs
you know those songs they used to play not too long ago? those soppy teenybopper-type love songs or boyband songs like 'this i promise you', 'i'll never break your heart', 'from the bottom of my broken heart', and so on?
well.
definitely not good for listening if you're in a not too good mood about things. especially about what they're singing. it just serves to make you feel much worse. not recommended.
and yet at times when things seem down, i find i'm kinda hooked on to them. yeah, i know most of you probably dont even think of listening to those songs anymore, but hey.. they're all slow, sentimental, and sweet. top on my priority music list.
it's all good, but the bad thing is, the more i like to listen, the worse i start to feel. just like adding salt to an open wound. so then i'd try to listen to something louder. something faster.
i turn on hiphop and urban. ciara, jay-z, beyonce, marques houston? hrm. dont really work either. too 'move-y' for the mood. try moving to black eyed peas the next time you feel jiwang. ahaha maybe i should just try it.
so it's next >> next >> and next >> song on the playlist. (i like to put my music on shuffle) i end up with rock and alternative. simple plan. welcome to my life. ouch. too close to reality. next >> busted. sleeping with the lights on. double ouch. next >> dashboard confessional. sounds fine, but not in the mood for too emo. next >> avril lavigne with my happy ending. i realize they're not really, uhm, helping either.
i try different songs.
next >> linkin park. numb. shyt. too loud. next >> right here waiting by richard marx. oh bloody. 'perfect'. sad jiwang song for a sad jiwang mood.
starting to get pissed with my media player which seems to know my mood, i open the playlist to have a look myself. ahhh.. found it. just the song i've been looking for. amanda marshall - i'll be okay. perfect.
i sit down and relax for this one song, start to feel contented and less mood-y. that is, UNTIL i have to worry about what the next song should be again.
hrm.
i think i've had enough rambling for the time being. stacie o just came on with 'i promise'.
hah! like that ever works.
fcuk. i've become a cynic.
to cherish and remember.
this time two nights ago, my grandfather finally passed on. after a week of unconsciousness, he finally left all of us for a place far away. a much better place. and he will always be missed.
i remember sunday mornings when he used to take me out on bicycle rides for breakfast. 'bicycle ride' meaning me sitting on the bicycle with my still too short legs, unable to do anything, while he'd walk next to me pushing the handlebars of the bicycle. we'd go to a packed 'kopitiam' - his usual - and he'd order a kopi-c or teh-c. then he'd get a clean saucer for me and pour his drink into it so it'd cool faster and i'd be able to enjoy it with him..
i remember late nights when he'd make 'kampua' while i was watching tv. mouth-watering noodles fried with soy sauce and garlic. i can still remember its taste.. then he'd wait for me to finish up and he'd get the empty plate from me to wash up - with me being the brat that i was who never bothered to clean up and only knew how to watch tv.
i remember always arguing with him over anything at all - in pure, nonrojak foochow. i'd argue with him whenever he'd try to stop me doing anything dangerous; i'd argue with him whenever he'd tell me to stop playing with the crabs in the drain; i'd argue with him over anything at all..
so many other memories i've had with my grandfather - all etched in my mind. all of which happened more than a decade ago, when i was staying with my grandparents in sarikei. all never to be forgotten; even if i wanted to try.
i havent been close to my grandfather in recent years due to the language barrier (i could no longer speak foochow or chinese since i moved away from sarikei). the few times i'd see him like when i went to singapore for visits or he'd come to stay with my family for a few weeks, we only had the usual basic everyday communication like 'good morning', 'it's lunchtime', that kinda thing.. but i loved my grandpa no less. he's still the sweet, no-worries, darling grandpa to me. and to all of us..
just know that we'll always love you and think of you.
we miss you.
damn fcuked up.
so much fcuked up things in life that need de-fcuking.
fcuk.
living a lie.
she sits alone in front of the pc, intently typing yet not knowing what she was doing. she had so much in her mind, so much to run from.
the people around her seem oblivious to what she feels. as usual, she excels at hiding her emotions.
she wants to talk; she wants to find relief, she wants help and understanding. she wants it all - but she knows none of it is possible. she is the only one who can help herself.
she sits and stares and what she typed. nonsensical words. she tries waking herself up. up from the madness she's feeling. she slaps her face lightly; she splashes water on it. she tries every means to get herself away from all she's feeling.
in what feels like centuries later, she is still trying.
never ever.
i'll never get to see him again.
i'll never get to talk to him again.
i'll never get to make him laugh again.
i'll never get to do anything at all with him.
ever again.
he's still here; but i'm missing him already.
life is precious.
i know, people always say that you never know what's gonna happen but well..
now i know-
the hard way.
i just wish i can see him as soon as i can.
