happy.

i feeling so happy today. i have so many things to say. but i dont know where to start.

let's just settle with me being happy for now.

@ 8:02 PM 0 Comments

i got the INTERNSHIP!

i am so so so so happy today. so so so so incredibly annoyingly amazingly happy.

i GOT THE INTERNSHIP!!

*sigh. just felt like announcing it to the whole world. i'm so happy.

will be interning at CNBC Asia's office in singapore.. will be under the distribution team and i probably wont be doing anything much (i think) but ohwells. i dont mind. it's the experience i'll get that i'm really looking forward to. hopefully all goes well!

i didnt really wanna mention it before in case things get screwed up.. what with the student employment pass that havent gotten approved and all.. plus, it's gonna be my first internship.. *big big grin. so yeah. i finally allowed myself to really get happy about it when i got andrea's mail last night confirming that my student employment pass got approved.

really psyched.

my actual internship is from 01 Dec 2005 till 31 Jan 2006, but they told me it's alrite if i wanna start earlier. so seelah. have to check plans first. now i just have to figure out if i wanna go back to miri or kuching coz dad's at miri but mom and the bugger's at kuching. hrmm. and i can only go back after next sunday which is after chiam's church camp.. so. see loh =)

i cannot wait.

thank You God. i know this isnt coz i'm just lucky, but it's coz i'm blessed by You. thank You so much.

@ 11:30 AM 0 Comments

the girl.

she sits in class, obviously bored. her classmates are presenting some topic about malaysia as a tourist destination way up front but she cannot seem to pay attention. she doodles. she writes nonsense.

her friend next to her flips through a TIME magazine. she looks longingly at it. she glances around, hoping to find something to do or think about.

she thinks of how hungry she is. okay stop. she tries NOT to think about how hungry she is.

oh look. her friend has just put down her magazine to do something else. she snags it and looks through. ooh, cool ad. but wonder what's the whole concept? no meaning. she has a thing for ads recently. flip flip flip. no nicer ads. just some celeb promoting another diamond-studded watch. so biasa lah. nothing new. there's an article on the recent kashmir quake though. flip flip. 'can mercedes be a star again?' interesting. she looks through the pictures. nice cars. flip.

somewhere in the near distance she hears the sound of her classmate's voice fade slowly, replaced by that of her lecturer that seems to be getting slightly louder:

'i hope all of us understand that one of your classmates are trying to present up here. i know your TIME magazines and everything else might seem more interesting, but could you at least show a bit of respect?'

shyt.

caught.

and there she was thinking no one would notice. face flushed, she puts the magazine down and pretends to pay attention, her mind filled with a mono-syllable word: 'shyt shyt shyt.' it seems to go on forever.

she hates that. being made to feel like that, that is. she's always the goody girl who tries hard to please everyone, always wanting to give a good impression of herself. she doesnt want to, but it's just a natural feeling. and things like this hurt, especially coming from someone she looks up to. shyt.

now she feels bad. she tries hard to pay attention now, but her mind wanders again. and the process repeats itself.. only this time, she's smarter and does not flip through magazines in clear view of her lecturer. one can only be stupid once. at least within the hour, anyway.

heh. =)

@ 12:45 PM 0 Comments

exam week.

exam week officially begins today - monday, 24 ocrober 2005. blardy.

i've got a design study lab test at 0300pm later, and an advertising exam at 0500pm.

tomorrow it's media appreciation! now THAT one i'm most worried about. did so badly for midterms altho i thought i did okay..

weds is more relaxed. it's just submission for professional writing's assignment 3 and i'm kinda almost done with that anyway so i'm good. =)

thursday it's business communication, friday it's professional writing and then i'm free!

done for the semester.

oh wait, done for my FOUNDATION YEAR. i'm actually gonna be starting with my degree programme already. wheee..

cant believe how fast the year just went by.

okay okay.

now i REALLY gotta stop procrastinating and actually get on with studying for my advertising. *sigh.

@ 1:13 PM 0 Comments

advertising success!

wheeeee i'm on a high todayyyy.. our advertising brief for adidas superstars got five stars! woohoo.. so happy. hopefully, we 'made the pitch'. lol.

and plus, my first advertisement finally made its debut to the 'public', although of course, it was just one lecturer and a few random students.. but well. never really shown much of my videos to ppl. ehehe.. so for a last minute work, i'm actually kinda proud of the clip. teehee. so happy.

oh and yeah. did a poster/billboard for the ad too! all done in one night. the poster in about 3hrs and the ad in about 5hrs. so last minute. but i'm still happy anyway.

how many times have i said the H word? i dont care. i'm so happy.

now let me go run around and do cartwheels. of course, i WOULD if i COULD do cartwheels. teehee.

it's official.

joey has gone bonkers.

till next time!

and before i go, here's how the poster looks like. not too impressive la but i'm happy enough for last minute work. ehehe..

@ 11:57 AM 0 Comments

a smile works wonders.

a little baby smiled at me today. and my day felt so good after that.

i dont know why. it was such a nice, sweet feeling.

there i was, walking by the vista prima poolside when i noticed a baby with his mom/grandma who's aways with him. i see them around all the time. he was looking at me with his big adorable eyes so i smiled a bit and waved. he continued looking, face still. a few moments later, he broke into a smile. it was SUCH AN ADORABLE SMILE. i fimmediately felt warm all over.

it's amazing how a simple smile like that can make you feel so good.

i'm even smiling while recalling it. eheheeee..

*big goofy grin.

@ 10:25 PM 0 Comments

tears.

i've never been one to cry. i dont know why. it's just this amazing ability i have - not that i'm proud of it. it's not fun not being able to cry when you have something to let go of, something you feel bad about that you just wanna release. it's not fun not being able to cry when there's so many things going on and you have no way out but to constantly feel bad about it. what's worse is the fact that you know you CAN cry: but only when it's on screen or in books.

i can never cry when big things happen in life. never at all. i've always wished i could.

somehow, something almost miraculous happened this morning. i cried. i dont know how, or why, but i just cried. all i know is that one second i'm fine, then the next there's this overwhelmingly powerful rush of emotions and i just cried. i cried about it - something i've always wanted to be able to cry about and let go of. it felt good.

altho it was only for a short while, but i felt slightly better after that. i guess i was just having another of my emo moments again. except that this time i at least could do something about it.

i wish i could cry more. i dont understand how ppl can complain about being saps who cry over every single little thing. i think it's perfectly fine. i think it's almost a blessing in a way that you get to be able to have some form of letting go.

the world would be a better place with more tears - but only with the condition that after the crying's done, everyone'll feel much better.

=)

@ 2:56 PM 0 Comments

morning call.

i woke up early this morning to the slight sounds of my laptop whirring away; left on because i fell asleep while watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i was just so tired last night that i guess i couldnt stand it any longer. yawning, i took a look at my trusty handphone - it was 0530am. agh. few more hours left of sleep.

i closed my eyes again; but they popped open the second i i tried to relax. as i lay there not being able to will myself back to sleep, thoughts came into my mind. it's funny how movies always make you think. they often show things in a different perspective - and you're left to wonder.

just like how i was wondering about whether memories can really be erased - like jim carrey trying to erase memories of his ex-girlfriend so he wouldnt have to feel hurt anymore, because she also did the same thing. memories to be thrown away, not hidden at all. to be forgotten completely so as to forget whatever pain we had to endure reminiscing them. it's a good thought.

however, there's no way we can ever do that. we can never ever forget what happened in the past, especially not something that means so much to us. it's just part of life. i wish i didnt know that.

the same old thing of 'just move on, it'll be alright. you just have to let go now.'.. or 'you'll feel much better after you let go, trust me. you'll have better times'.. or the classic 'time heals all wounds'. yes, i KNOW that. i just.. wish i dont. then i can be ignorant and just pretend nothing ever happened. oh how i wish so.

but i cant. it's a fact. pointed out so obviously in my face whenever.. whenever anything happens at all. a fact that i have to live with. *sigh. the familiar feelings of regret creep up on me every time.. i think we're starting to become quite good friends.

i'm so tired of this.

@ 9:32 AM 0 Comments

presentation in 8 and 1/2 hours.

i'm so doomed. dont think i'll be able to sleep tonight. presentation and a report due tomorrow morning. not forgetting my typo poster which is due for its final draft check tomorrow afternoon. oh scratch that. it's TODAY morning and afternoon. agh.. i'm so tired.

and on top of all of that, something else is troubling me right now. i cant make out exactly what it is, but there's this uneasy feeling inside. i dont know. i just know it doesnt feel good. something in me feels.. i dont know. constricted? compressed? that's the only way i can define it right now.

is there any way i can make it go away?

@ 1:29 AM 0 Comments

fireflies and seafood.

saturday night was fun. yeapz. =)

left vista prima with jeremy and ben before 0400pm to go to ckk to meet up with everyone else. THEN left for kuala selangor with jeremy, adrian and micheal while everyone else were in ben's car.

the trip didnt feel too long tho. before you know it, we were already there at the restaurant where we had our seafood dinner. yuM. that was good food i tell you. 'ho liau' ah. ahahaa.. now, the pic here isnt too clear but well. can kinda see a bit of it lar if you can make out what is what. =) clockwise from top left is CRABS! ahaha. then really good sotong, and even better bamboo clams (? - not sure of exact name. first time having it. heh.), great fish, and in the centre there's prawns. no space in the picture for the sayur tho but that's not the point. ahaha.. wow. that was such a great dinner for so cheap. only paid rm17 per person. i for one wouldnt mind going there a second time. ehehee..


yuM. after dinner, we resumed our trip. went the wrong way at one point and ended up backtracking quite a bit. finally found the junction in but it was so dark. so twilight zone-ish. ahahaa.. but it was good after that. arrived at the firefly reserve. i THINK it's a reserve anyway. heh. paid rm10 per person but i think it's worth it.

it was a dark river. really dark and really still. as we left the clearing where the bright lights still shone, we could slowly start to see twinkling lights in the trees. according to our guide, it was a certain kind of tree that those species of fireflies only go for. it's called the 'berembang'. no english name; and i forgot the scientific name. =)

it was so beautiful; so christmas tree-like. they were all tiny - around the size of mosquitoes. our guide was real nice coz he rowed our boat right to the side of the trees so we could hold the fireflies in our hands. he even said we could bring them home if we wanted to, but we would have to know how to take care of them coz they're very sensitive creatures. he was explaining to us all about the fireflies and stopped two more times for us to play. gee. i sound so kiddish. ahahaaa.. but it was a fun feeling. you just dont get to see so many fireflies at one place too often. and to have them in your hands somemore.. the joy.

eheh. finally left the place about before 1000pm. went to some mamak in subang coz MANCHESTER UNITED was playing. ahahaa.. *sigh. guys and their football.

arrived home about 1200am in good spirits and so sleepy. doubted i would be able to wake for mass the next day but i did! =) so happy. randy 'fong' my 'fei kei' again but luckily jeremy came along this week. or else i would've ended up not going.

which comes to the same conclusion again, and that is = i need a car. teehee. not safe to travel in cabs alone yknow..

@ 10:43 AM 0 Comments